Good business practices translate well to marriage–in itself a decidedly risky business.
By: Melissa Thoma | 05/11/2009
We were the typical starry-eyed lovers: young (our parents would say too young), full of potential, open to any possibility–with the super-charged hormones of 19-year-olds. We had aced the school thing and were ready to leave our mark on the real world. And we had each other. Nothing could stop us. Right?
After 25 years of marriage, we look back and have to laugh. Real life has not only shaped us at times but has slapped us around a bit, too. Learning to live together, learning to work together, learning to parent and to manage together through poverty and wealth has been much more like a roller-coaster ride than the glorious ascent to fame, fortune and romantic rapture that we envisioned when we embarked on our shared life.
What my husband Martin and I have after 25 years is a partnership: solid, secure, rewarding. Six years into marriage we went into business together, creating a marketing firm with $700 and a first-generation Mac, using our back bedroom as an office. We discovered something in the process: Our best business practices have turned out to be some of the best practices for our marriage.
What about your joint venture? You’ve pledged your life to your partner in the name of love and passion. You may have set a wedding date, decided to move in together or are about to celebrate an anniversary. Let me ask you a few key questions: Would you sign the paperwork on a new business partnership without first creating a business plan? Would you put out the “Open” sign without setting up a budget or clearly defining job responsibilities?
How long do you think your business would last if one of you dreamed of becoming the next Sam Walton, and the other wanted to create an exclusive boutique?
You’ve committed your life to your significant other, but have you created a life plan together? Martin and I have observed that most couples don’t stop the business of life long enough to plan that business. And that’s a real shame, because while new businesses fail at a surprising rate, new marriages fail at an even higher one. Using our business plan as a model, Martin and I have been life planning for years, and we believe it has made a big difference.
Martin and I begin every planning consultation by posing the same question to clients: What does your business look like five years from now? We then push our clients to create a vivid picture of the future, detailing accomplishments, changes, dollars, even the physical environment and relationships. Sometimes, as we seek honest assessments, the picture doesn’t seem too rosy. “If we don’t make a change, we won’t be here in five years,” some clients say.
We find this exercise very enlightening because the demands of running the business often prevent our clients from stepping back to define or refine their goals.
When was the last time you answered this question in your personal life? Have you sat down with your life partner and painted a detailed picture of your next five years together? Where will you live? Will one of you have a new job? Are there kids in the picture? If you maintain the present course, will you be happy five years from now? Begin with this conversation.
This column will work through the business of planning and managing your life using the same tools most businesses use to operate successfully. We’re talking about everything from budgets to organizational charts. Engaging in a meaningful conversation of these issues can create clarity and an environment for productive negotiation, something every relationship can use.
Each morning when I come into work, I get my coffee, switch on my computer and seat myself right beside my husband, who is sitting not 5 feet from my terminal. I’m reminded again: We are in this together . . . for better or worse. You are, too. And you can partner for a Fortune 500 success or a Chapter 11 reality check. Putting a little business into your relationship might be the difference.