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Biz Pitfalls Are Marriage Pitfalls

Avoiding both enhances your chances of success–at home and the office.

By: Melissa Thoma   |   03/21/2010

In 22 years in business, I’ve never seen anything like the past year’s economy. To call it challenging is a gross understatement. Thousands of businesses and millions of jobs have gone under as a result of this economic tsunami, washed away under the extreme pressure from outside.

It made me think of dear friends who lost fundamentally solid relationships due to the pressure of events outside their control: the loss of a child, a devastating illness or a family crisis. Businesses and relationships can fail under these extreme circumstances.

But what about the not-so-extreme circumstances? What are some of the foundational keys to success that, when they go missing, can undermine an otherwise successful business? Is there anything we can learn from business dangers that can help us in marriage?

In an article in Business Know-How, staff writer Patricia Shaefer lists some reasons for business failures. I’d like to re-examine her points in light of marriage.

Point No. 1: Maybe you started your business for the wrong reasons. Whenever I talk to folks about starting a business, I tell them the three golden rules of entrepreneurship: You will work harder, make less money, and it will take longer than you ever imagined. Sorry friends, I speak the truth. So if you are going into business to make lots of money, to work less or get rich quick, you are going in for the wrong reasons.

Why did you go into marriage? For some women, the answer really might be for economic security. Problem is that women have a 97 percent chance of being in charge of the family finances sometime during their lives, so that might not be the best reason to marry. To experience lifelong romantic bliss? This is biologically impossible, and yet many of us have just that idealized a view of what marriage should be. How about to have children and a family? What happens if you can’t have children, or God forbid lose your family?

Schaefer highlights several more appropriate reasons for starting a business. I think they are great reasons for forming a marriage, as well.

a.    You have a passion and love for what you’ll be doing and strongly believe–based on educated study and investigation–that your product or service would fulfill a real need in the marketplace. Remixed for marriage, that would read: You have a passion and love for the marital commitment and strongly believe–based on real conversation and discovery–that this relationship would truly fill a need for you and your lover. That is a high bar, one a lot of folks don’t ever consider on their way to the altar.

b.    You are physically fit and posses the needed mental stamina to withstand potential challenges. This one does need a bit of tweaking to be valuable when you are considering a long-term relationship. Mental and physical well-being should be regarded as key ingredients to success. And if either of you is ignoring your health or don’t consider it a priority, you really are risking your marriage, as well. Place a real priority on keeping your physical and mental health.

c.    You have drive, determination, patience and a positive attitude. Enough said.

d.    Failures don’t defeat you. You learn from your mistakes. In marriage, I believe this is crucial. After 26 years, Martin and I have made many mistakes. If we didn’t have a real desire to succeed in our relationship, we probably would have failed at it. But maybe more important than wanting to keep going is learning from mistakes and making appropriate changes. Changing to meet the needs of the relationship in its present form is crucial to success.

Point No. 2: Another reason businesses fail is poor management. Lacking expertise in the areas of financing, purchasing, process or dealing with employees is a major downfall for many businesses. It is for marriage as well.

We know that financial issues are a main source of discontent in marriage. So many folks don’t know how to budget, plan and purchase when they reach adulthood. This is a major factor in marital problems. And when it comes to management, knowing how to manage children is a crucial factor in succeeding at marriage.

Under poor management, Schaefer also cites neglect. How often have you heard that a relationship fell apart because one partner simply lost touch with the needs of the other? Or both partners simply stopped thinking about and caring for the relationship. Businesses can fail when they are neglected by their principals; marriages certainly do.

Schaefer also mentions a poor work climate. Do you focus on creating the best possible home environment for your family? Virginia Satir, a pioneer in family therapy, wrote that designing a home environment where the family members want to spend time should be a major priority in every family’s life.

Point No. 3: Insufficient capital is another factor in business failure. If we’ve learned one thing from this Great Recession, it’s that families who got into houses they couldn’t afford are a great risk emotionally and physically. The decision to have children has a huge economic impact on a couple. Did you consider that when you decided to begin your family? Is your family sufficiently capitalized?

The ancient Greeks understood that life might best be described as a hero’s journey–a series of unfolding challenges and opportunities, in which the protagonist succeeds through skill, cunning and bravery in the face of adversity. Schaefer’s reasons for business failure reveal that we often lack the skill or strength (material, mental or physical) to overcome the obstacles that line our path.

The same is true of marriage. Success on this hero’s journey requires indefatigable effort, skill, attention and, sometimes, bravery. Avoiding the common pitfalls can help to determine your success.